Brazil Yarrrrr

 

(Pops rocking out at the end of the week with the clients)

Oh, hi. Sorry it took a couple weeks to get on the Brazil blog entry. Now that I'm writing this from Holland (scrap that, second try from Germany), I might get the two (or three) mixed up. On this excruciatingly hot day, we were excited to be hit by a tropical storm. We took shelter from the snow in a nearby brothel and shared a joint with an American college student and relieved our munchies with schnitzel and a liter of altbier.

So, Brazil was lovely - what I saw of it anyway. We stayed in the Sao Paulo region for the whole week. On this trip, sorry to say, I did not go running outside. Our hotel wasn't in the city. It was close to the airport and surrounded by highways and busy roads without sidewalks. It's also way too dangerous for a young woman to be out on her own - and I stick out like a sore thumb as a foreigner. Luckily, the hotel had a couple nice treadmills.

OK, where do I begin? I need to jog my memory. Since Brazil, I have been home, then to Holland, Slovakia, Germany and Austria. ummm....Brazil...Sao Paulo....warm..... ??? I had so many great ideas for this blog about two weeks ago, now I only have mediocre ones. Sorry. 

What can I tell you about Sao Paulo? Let's do this in point form:

• The weather is much better than at home. It was about 30 degrees all week, and although the weather network was calling for rain all week, it only rained once. I've never trusted weather forecasts anyway. We had one really cool tropical storm in the afternoon. From inside the customer’s office, it sounded like a war. A lot of people travel by helicopter (you’ll understand when you read my next point) and the police patrol the city by helicopter. So, there are a lot of choppers in the sky, all the time. The choppers don’t stop in the storms. So, imagine the sound of a bunch of choppers flying around outside the office with constant roars of thunder and bucketing rain. My experience in Vietnam tells me it sounds about the same.
• There are 23 million people living in Sao Paulo alone and not one of them looked like Giselle whatsherface (Bunch-Ten). It would seem that 22 million of these people are on the highway at any given time. I don't say 23 million because everyone has a day of the week that they aren't allowed to drive to help lighten up the traffic. Now you probably think that I don't know how to divide by seven. The reason it's only one million off the road is because a lot of people get a second car so they can drive the one day a week they aren’t supposed to. One my customers tried this though, and he ended up getting the same day off for both cars (considering a Honda Civic goes for $45,000 in Sao Paulo, it's not cheap to have two cars).  One afternoon, it took us two and a half hours to drive 32 KM on the highway. This is normal. Motorcycles are allowed to weave through traffic and there is a mortality rate of about one motorcyclist in Sao Paulo per day. The first two days, I thought those bikers are idiots. By day three of this traffic, I thought anyone in a car was an idiot. I would take my chances on a bike, too, if I had to sit in traffic 2 hours each way every day to get to work!
• If someone offers you a Caipirinha with lunch - say no. Unless you have the afternoon off. This is a favourite of the Brazilians. Think a mug of vodka, some sugar cane and a piece of fruit. That's basically the drink. The General Manager of the company we were working for decided to take us out for a three-hour authentic Brazilian lunch and straightaway ordered Caipirinha for Doug, Pops and I…. interesting he was having a water. At first sip, I fought really hard not to look as though I just hurled my own burning internal organs. Pops was cruising through his. I saw across the table that Pops only had a few sips left in his glass and mine was almost full, so when the GM wasn’t looking, we did a switch. When he looked back over at me, I happily finished the drink in front of him. Pops finished his (mine), but he was a bit slammered when we went back to their office to continue working.
• Shopping in SP is a dream. Fashion is all in one area of the city. Musical instruments are all in another area of the city. Home lighting fixtures even have their own area. That’s how it works. So Pops and I decided to go check out the music stores on our day off. I think there were over 50 music shops on one street. And they had EVERYTHING! Looking for authentic Brazilian guitars and percussion? No problem. Looking for your typical ‘long haired greasy metallica loving divorced from his stripper wife and living in his grandma’s basement feeding on alphaghetti for breakfast doesn’t know his t-shirt size and therefore struts his gut at Walmart’ guy’s guitar? They have thousands upon thousands. Looking for a Fodera bass (hand made in New York, played by the likes of Victor Wooten and Oteil Burbridge and go for $4000-$12000 USD)? They have them! By the way, I’ve never even seen a Fodera in a public store before. Pops bought a Brazilian banjo. I picked up a Cavaquinho and gifted it.
• So, before I left for Sao Paulo, I was expecting my self-esteem to take a big plunge. When I see Brazil on TV or hear people talk about it, I get the impression that there are thousands of gorgeous scantily clad women prancing around, flirting with everyone. Thong bikinis, transparent clothing etc. on beautiful tanned and fit bodies with long luscious hair. I expected to be the ugly duckling foreigner. Well let me tell you – it’s pure bullshit. Sao Paulo is not an attractive place . I would say about 50% of women were 15-20 lbs overweight and 45 % were obese. Only 5 % could be considered slim- and those were teenagers. In the class we taught that week, I would say three or four out of the 24 men in there were a healthy weight. Someone has to get these people to lay off the BBQ and cheese balls.  That’s one way to notice that the economy is booming in Brazil. Scantily clad though, still. Horrible combination. If you want to see good looking people, go to France and Italy (at least they are good looking until they hit 30 – then they turn to leather from all the smoking).
• But, beauty is only skin-deep, right? I was so intrigued by the way our customers treated each other at work each day and I think we can take a lesson from them. Every time someone walked into the room, he walked around to shake everyone’s hand, pat them on the back and say hello with a big smile. They openly joked around with each other. They didn’t seem to have hidden agendas. They were like a group of 24 best friends (even though I KNOW they frustrate each other to death) and they manage to carry on their business very successfully.  Each person brought their personality to the table, and it was welcomed by all. In my experience with American and European clients – the environment is often cold, plain, fake…..yawn…..just thinking about it makes me tired. Europe is slightly ahead of America in this regard though. But these guys, if they have to sit in traffic two hours each way and work 10-12 hours in between, you damn well better believe they are going to enjoy themselves and each others company at work. If you spend most of your life there, you have to love it  - and usually the work alone is not enough to make you love your job. You need a fun, respectful and diverse workplace. Take note, North America.
• Speaking of things for North America to take note of. Racism is nonexistent in Brazil (at least from what I could see in my week there and from what my clients told me). Here’s a country that was colonized by Portugal about 500 years ago (I don’t know exactly). There is a significant African, Japanese, German and Italian population that trickled in throughout the years. All of these groups, along with the Natives, coexist without discrimination or prejudice. It’s much like Canada, although I would say the relationship with the Natives in Brazil is a much better one, from what I could see, anyway. I suppose I would need to interview some Natives and read a few books to get a clearer picture, but this is the impression we all got. I’m interested to do more research into their history.
• Football…..It’s playing on every TV, everywhere. It’s being talked about by everyone, everywhere. It’s on everyone’s radio, everywhere. Football to Brazil, is hockey to Canada. There is even more passion for it there than I’ve seen anywhere in Europe. It even rubbed off on me a bit and I bought a Palmeiras jersey to support some of the guys we were working with. It was funny that people who liked Palmeiras would smile and wave at me in the street, offer to help me with anything I wanted etc. Fans of other teams sneered and shook their fists at me and said I had the wrong jersey on.  :D

What else can I report back to you about Sao Paulo? Unless you’re in business, don’t bother going (Sorry!). If you’re looking for beaches and Giselle, I recommend Rio de Janeiro. If you’re looking for adventure, I recommend wrestling snakes in the Amazon. Sao Paulo, in general, is a massive city built on industry. It’s dangerous, it’s dirty, it’s lacking in culture and it’s almost impossible to get from Point A to Point B unless you have a helicopter – which 99.999% of the population there can’t afford because their minimum wage is the equivalent of $150 Canadian/month (and remember how much I told you a car is).  On the other hand, the people are very friendly, the food is delicious, the weather is incredible and there is some decent shopping to be done. If you can get your boss to send you down there on business – I would take him/her up on it. Just don’t go running outdoors alone.

Below, I’ve posted some pictures and videos from the trip. Enjoy!

-Jerk

Having lunch on the first day. The Heavens are shining down on me! Dad is just in the way.

Caipirinha - use with caution!

$5 for anyone who can tell me what this is.

Doug following in the footsteps of the other Brazil folk

Foderas, what?!?!?

Go Palmeiras! (I can't even name one of the players)

View from my hotel window

Told you it's dirty....

Calgary!

Oh hello there! Sorry I haven't written on here in a while. I actually haven't run in a while. I took a week to be lazy at home in Guelph. By the time my Europe trip ended, I was in six countries and on nine different flights all in 17 days. Since I took off to Europe 16 hours after landing from Phoenix, I actually did four times zones in four days with a nine hour span between two of them. So, understandably, I took some time to relax, turn 26, see my friends and catch up on work because just yesterday, I made my way to Calgary.

We have a big oil client here to see on Monday but I came up early because my sister (Heather) and her son (Gussy) live here. I haven't been out west in 17 years and I had never been to Calgary, so I was pretty excited. Getting to fly somewhere for work 2000 miles away and not have to exchange currency, call VISA, buy travel packs for my phone, find the right electrical plugs etc etc etc...it was pretty nice. And to see one of the biggest cities in Canada...should be cool, right?

Oh Calgary... maybe it's unfair because I've seen so many beautiful ancient cities in the last few weeks, but you...you just don't do it for me. You give this general feeling of poor hygiene and danger and yet everything (aside from gas) is overpriced!! You adopted Stephen Harper like your own and provided his post-secondary education, and now his riding. You are fully aware that you nursed (what I think is) a political demon and you're proud of it!

Calgary, I just don't trust you. You make Hamilton look like St. Andrews.

Regardless, I went for a run at night in an industrial park with no sidewalks or streetlights. Because...... well, I'd say because I'm badass but it's only because that's all that's around my hotel. I saw a couple police cruisers out on my run and I wasn't sure if that should make me feel safer or heighten my fear of running through this area... So I ran faster than usual. I hate to sound like Debbie Downer, but it just wasn't a good run. I wasn't feeling at my best (I think I have a cold. I'm not sure because I've been ignoring it), there were no sidewalks, it was really dark and worst of all (and my own fault) I had to pee the whole time. Here's a big running tip to add to the list: Pee within five minutes of going out the door for a run! I only lasted 30 minutes. I probably did 5 KM or less. I just wasn't at the top of my game today. Tomorrow, I'll try again and hopefully get some pictures for you. The city around here isn't that nice, but there are massive rabbits EVERYWHERE! I want to get some picture of them :) Seriously, the first one I saw when I was out with Heather and Gussy at the park yesterday..I thought it was a kangaroo. That shows you right there that I've never been to Australia...but seriously, this rabbit was 3 feet tall, minimum!! Scared the crap out of me!

Well, if this blog provides any use to you as a runner...the verdict is run on the treadmill at the hotel if you're visiting Calgary. However, if you're here for pleasure (and I would question your sanity in that case) and you have time, go to a park. I saw Heritage Park today with Heather and Gussy and it was lovely. I would have enjoyed a run through there. Calgary is full of and surrounded by absolutely stunning parks. If you're here for work and stuck in the city....hotel gym.

Until next time!

-Jerk

P.S. - Sorry if I hurt your feelings, Calgary. It could be worse... you could be Edmonton.

Cool Runnings

Hi! I'm back already, so soon! It's nice to stay in one spot for a while, catch up on my sleep and have a wide open schedule. Today I will write to you more about running than traveling, since I haven't really moved more than 300 meters since my last post (aside from running). I titled this blog in honour of Hurricane Katia's cold 35 mph winds that fought me, and sometimes assisted me this morning while I was out. Thanks, Katia. I appreciate it!

So, since this is a running blog, why don't I share some tips that I've come across online. If you're going to ditch your treadmill and reacquaint yourself with the outdoors, you will have to prepare for wind from time to time. Here is some advice I found, albeit after my run this morning, that you might find handy (and some not so handy):

Good Tips:

• Wear warm, light and wind resistant running gear like long tights, a windbreaker and an ear warmer (which also helps reduce wind noise in your ear and helps keep your headphones in place). This is a great tip and one I didn't follow today. I am a huge advocate of high quality and weather appropriate running gear. I haven't done laundry yet and my long tights are dirty, so I wore my short and flimsy Nike running shorts. Luckily, I have my Nike running jacket here (which is light, breathable and yet somehow wind and water resistant...it's magic). At least I didn't wear the adorable running skirt I packed? It's pleated, too. How fitting it would be for my "kilt" to fly up while I ran in Scotland. The ear warmer definitely would have been helpful today. Every two minutes I was sticking my headphones back in my ears and I sometimes couldn't hear my music over the wind. Next time. 
• Run against the wind first, and then with it on your way back. Fight the toughest battle when you have the most energy. On the way back, you will be so grateful for the same wind you cursed for the first 30 minutes of your run. The push on the way back benefits you both physically and psychologically. Not only is it carrying you forward, but it also gives you that nudge of encouragement to go a little faster and make it home without stopping. 

Bad Tips:

• Make like some sort of human aerodynamic machine and run with a forward tilt. Seriously? Not only will you look ridiculous, but this could waste energy and worst of all, lead to an injury. I can't believe how many posts I saw that recommend this technique. I suggest maintaining proper form like you would any regular day.
• Run behind a really fat person. OK, someone said this as a joke and I admit, I had a chuckle when I found it :) While a really fat person would make the perfect windbreaker, I doubt they will be running ahead of you at the same speed. Maybe in their motor chair....

Well, I couldn't take all of these tips for my run this morning. The running gear I explained. Taking advantage of wind direction was useless because it changed every 10 seconds. I could have run behind a fat guy in a golf cart (I ran through the old golf course again) if only there was such a thing as a morbidly obese fat person in Europe (they are seriously hard to find. Take note, Ohio.) And the aerodynamic one...well, I actually do that already, unintentionally. I have spondylolisthesis which causes me to lean forward a bit all the time (unless I consciously try to sit or stand straight).

So, as I said already, I ran along the old course again. The same route, with a detour, that I took during my night time run on Sunday. I wanted to see everything this time. I also thought you might be interested in seeing these heaps of manure, so I took a picture of them today :D Since I met the manure heaps and a gate on my path last time, I decided to follow another path that connected right there, that went through the golf course. I didn't even notice it last time because it was so dark. So there I was, running like Sean Connery through this world famous golf course, amongst the world's wealthiest and most special golfers. Apparently not just anyone can play this course. I took this connecting path through the course thinking it would link back up with the main path or take me to a road on the other side, but I was wrong. About 10 minutes through, I hit a dead end with some maintenance sheds. So, I turned back, met up with the main path, and ran home. The whole run was 60 minutes without any stops. This might be my record. I used to run 10 minutes, walk 2 minutes, run 10 minutes and so on. On this Europe trip, I've managed to do all my runs without stopping to walk and 60 minutes is the farthest I've gone. You never know until you try, right? Next time, I will try go farther.

OK Kids. I hope you enjoyed this post as much as the others.  Oh, by the way, I know I haven't posted any photos or videos of myself on this blog. So, just for you, there's a video of my shadow :) I'll warm up to the idea of taking pictures of myself soon....it's just so...weird. Not as weird as taking a video of my shadow while I run, though. :P

-Jerk

  Manure!

Midnight Runner

Hey, long time, no see! Sorry I've been absent for the past week - it's been crazy! Here's what went down since I last blogged:

- Wednesday - 7:20 am flight to Milan from Stavanger. I was up at 4, packed and out the door by 5 am or so. Rushed to the airport, using my trusty iPhone as a GPS again (haven't received my check from Apple yet) and after the rush rush rush to get there on time - we sat and waited. Our flight had to connect in Frankfurt, which is notorious for bad weather and delays. Well, it lived up to it's reputation. So we were worried about missing our connection flight to Milan. We get on our plane an hour late, anxiously watching the time. We arrive in Milan with only minutes to spare, so we rush rush rush across this massive terminal, maneuvering our way through the crowd, rush rush rush - we sat and waited. Our connection was also delayed. Now we were really worried because we had a meeting an hour and a half away from the airport that afternoon and everything was planned and timed our PERFECTLY - we had an airtight schedule that was now in the hands of Frankfurt.

Luckily, we made it to the meeting. We were tired. Dad was up at 3:00 am to build the presentation he would deliver (to the most senior level executive we have worked with in a long time eeeeeeeeeek) and I had gone to bed at midnight the night before (4 hours sleep) so that I could run and blog for you people. I'm not saying it's your fault but .... nah, it was solid. Well worth the rushing and waiting, rushing and waiting. This one meeting was well worth the whole trip to Europe. Big success!

After the meeting, we went to our hotel. I forget the name of the town we were in, but it was very close to Parma. I was thinking nap, run, blog, sleep. Dad was thinking walk, dinner, drink, sleep. Dad always wins these for some reason. So we venture off in search of a restaurant that suits my odd diet. This proved difficult considering virtually no one understood English in this town. We were far from the tourist district out here but apparently we were in the cheese capital of Italy. Every dish in every restaurant had cheese in it. I asked Dad, "There must be some lactose intolerant people here. How do they eat?" Dad replies, "They move." Eventually we settled for a restaurant where the server knew someone who knew someone who spoke a few words of English and we brought him over to help explain my "allergies". After about 10 minutes of pseudo sign language/English/Italian (and French squeezed it's way in there somehow for some reason) we discovered I could eat the smoked swordfish. It was also a nice treat that I could eat the melon gelato :) When Dad and I got our gelato cones, we headed into the square to see what all the noise over there was...oh geeze, it's a professional karaoke singer singing English pop songs in Italian, and the crowd is just loving it. Hundreds of people crowded around to dance, sing along and clap. All of the restaurants in the square had seating outside to face Karaoke Man. I even got asked to move because some people on a patio eating dinner couldn't see Karaoke Man. Yup, they take Karaoke Man pretty seriously here. I posted a clip of him below so you can see what I mean.

- Thursday - Was a pretty easy day. Dad called it a "Jeans Day". We didn't have to visit anyone and our only meeting was a conference call we joined from the hotel. Then, we headed off to Bologna. What do you think this town is the capital of? Dinner here was amazing. First, let me explain something. When you have a diet like mine and you can't eat much in Europe, you take advantage of the restaurants where you can eat. I ordered two dinners this night. Hey, I had no idea when my next meal would be. Sometimes, you have to make like a grizzly bear and fatten up. I enjoyed a whole pizza (which is probably suitable for two or more people), followed by a sea bass and veggies and then lemon sorbet. Oh ya....pizza is from Italy - it was delicious!! The waiter was a little thrown off by this little person who came in and cleaned up the way I did.

- Friday- We visited a bran new potential client in Bologna. By this point, I had been averaging 4 hours of sleep a night (due to Dad's enjoyment of late dinners and full bottles of wine...I have no idea how he survives like this, especially since he does all the driving and has to think the hardest when we meet clients) and when I looked at this Italian VP Operations, I saw two of him. I figured it highly unlikely he had a twin who shared his duties in the company, so I knew at this point, I was overtired. Luckily, my pops is a superstar at his work and these guys were really impressed. He might be going back to see them next week already.

After a long meeting with Gianluca and his twin brother, we headed for Venice and went on a search for our hotel. We used the GPS and my iPhone GPS and still somehow ended up on this narrow street with a used RV dealer, a construction site and some crummy little apartment buildings. We even followed the street signs that pointed us in this direction. Hoping we weren't staying in a shack for the night, we pulled up to a storage shed where we saw a man we could ask for directions. Now something shady was going on here - there were two men in nice suits, two black Mercedes, and a dinky shed on this really quiet little street that leads to nowhere. The one man who saw us coming walked towards us and motioned us to stop (probably so we couldn't get close enough to the shed to see what was in it) and in clear English, he very charismatically gave us instructions to find our hotel. I'm pretty sure his perfect teeth twinkled as he spoke. Hmmm???? Maybe I've just seen too many mafia movies.

When we got to the hotel, I was thinking nap, run, blog, sleep. What do you think Dad was thinking? Dad wins. We took a cab into the city of Venice, and then took a boat (equivalent to city bus) to the island. The island in Venice is like no city I've ever been in. No cars, taxis, buses...thus, no streets. It was a maze of unnamed stone pathways through ancient wobbly shops and apartments. Somehow, through the maze, Dad found the restaurant one of our Italian clients had recommended. Having not eaten lunch, and unsure of my next meal, I ate a feast of bread, bruschetta and seafood spaghetti (I'm going to start using the term 'grizzlied up'). It was approaching 11:00 pm when we finished our meal and I just about fell asleep at the dinner table. I was tired enough that I saw two Gianlucas earlier, and now, I was falling asleep in a fancy restaurant. The walk, boat and taxi ride home were all a blur. I felt like my brain was imploding, causing a migraine, blindness and nausea. Like....a really bad hangover. Somehow, Dad was chirpy as usual and excited to be in Venice. I wish I could have been, but I felt miserable and as a result, probably ruined his Friday evening. I'm not sure how he can be a normal person with no sleep, it's like a superpower or something. If I get less than 7 hours sleep in a night, I'm more like a superbitch.

- Saturday - So, we got back about 12:30 that night. We had to leave the hotel by 5:00 am to make our 6:50 flight out of Venice. I slept through both of my alarms and awoke to Dad calling me at 5:10 to see if I was awake. Conveniently, I never had time to unpack in the first place and I fell asleep in my clothes, so I rolled out of bed and into the car and then onto an airplane. We had a connector in Frankfurt again, luckily without delays (that I can remember, I was still blurry). Dad's connection flew him home to Toronto and mine to Edinburgh. Oh Scotland...what a relief it was to be back! The first coffee shop I saw made me a vanilla soy latte - do you know how crazy I was going without soy milk in all these other countries?? No, you probably don't. Oh well. Anyway, something as simple and familiar as soy milk can make me feel at home in an unfamiliar place.

Now getting to St. Andrews was a bit confusing. Malcolm advised me to take a bus from the airport toward Aberdeen and then get a train to Leuchars and a bus from there to St. Andrews. Dad, a seasoned traveler, advised me to take the StageCoach to Inverkeithing and then take the train from there to Leuchars and a bus to St. Andrews. While I was on the StageCoach to Inverkeithing ( I always trust Dad's travel suggestions most), the driver recommended I transfer at Ferrytoll and take a bus from there directly to St. Andrews. I was too tired to argue and his suggestion just sounded so much simpler. Are you still reading all of this? I'm pretty amazed that you're still with me...I haven't even mentioned running yet.... Anyway, when I got to St. Andrews, I walked to Malcolm and Naomi's place and headed straight for the bed.

Can you see why I hadn't gone running in a while?

Sunday - First, I slept 12 hours. Sat around reading a book (reading SuperFreakonomics {read the prequel, Freakonomics, in Italy}, I recommend it), went to a coffee shop, BeanScene (where I'm writing you from right now) and caught up on some work for DBM, grizzlied up (because when you do something enough, it becomes habit) and then got suited up for a night time run, hence the blog title "Midnight Runner".  I didn't actually run at midnight, more like 8:30, but it felt like midnight? St. Andrews shuts down at 5:00 PM on Sunday. Everything was shut, the streets were quiet and empty and it was very dark out. Having carbed up on a full plate of pasta and garlic bread for dinner, I was ready for a good run.

I ran down by the old golf course (not sure if you know this, but St. Andrews is home of the world's oldest golf course. You should wikipedia it), and then kept on a path parallel to the beach. I think I found the teenage "hookup spot' in St. Andrews. Along this unlit path, there was a car parked about every 300 meters with a young couple.....hmmm... So I ran until my path was blocked not only by a gate, but also by 10 foot heaps of manure. Why the manure heaps? I have no idea. But it smelled bad enough to make me want to turn around and head back to town. When I had run back and reached St. Salvador's Hall, after about 40 minutes of running without stopping, I thought what the heck, let's keep going! (must have been the carbs!) So I ran past and went all around town, since there was no traffic or pedestrians. The run ended up being 50 minutes (since 10 minutes is all it takes to run all around town) and I still had juice for pushups and dips :) I just might maintain the figure I arrived in Europe with to start :D

Following the run, I watched a Spanish thriller with Malcolm, Naomi and three of the RAs (that's what we call them in Canada, I don't know about in Scotland) that work for them at St. Salvador's. Don't rent Julia's Eyes. After the movie, I slept for 12 hours again. Finally, I'm catching up! I'm almost normal again. Superbitch lingers a bit, but she's almost out of my system.

Now, I'm at BeanScene (not sure if it's one word or two), writing to you, then I'll do some work (I told them yesterday that this would be my office for the week) and I will have another lovely run this evening. Hopefully I'll get out before dark so I can take some pictures for you. The beach I ran along last night is lovely but it was too dark for pictures. Instead, I'll share an adorable video of Calum from last weekend.

OK Kids, sorry this blog was more about traveling than it was about running. But if you made it this far, you probably don't care much. By the way, I noticed that no one is leaving comments anymore, which makes me a bit sad. I appreciate all the feedback on Facebook, but it would be really neat to have the feedback organized in this blog so I don't lose your comments. So please, comment on the blog directly. Now, I'll stop pretending I'm working and start doing actual work on my computer. Until next time!

Peace Homefries!

-Jerk

Jerk of the Fjords - Stavanger, Norway

I'm a bit sad that I have to say goodbye to Norway tonight. Since I will sneak away so quickly in the morning before sunrise, that I won't be able to do it then. I know, I'm becoming a softie.

So arriving in Norway started off on the wrong foot. First of all, the passenger next to me on the plane stole my window seat and i was too shy to say anything. He was also an idiot, but I won't elaborate much on that. When we arrived at the airport, we didn't have any maps for where to go and our GPS wasn't programmed for Norway. Heck, we didn't even have an address for where to go so we couldn't ask for directions! iPhone saved the day! And an insane data bill....saved the day! (My iPhone found our hotel, our meeting places, the restaurants we wanted....it got us back to the hotel when we got lost due to walking with our heads down in heavy rain). I assume my cheque from Apple is in the mail.

Anyway, yesterday was a long day. We were up at 4:30 am to catch our 7:30 flight from Aberdeen, then had all the hectic figuring out where to go stuff, then we had a meeting with our oil client here, followed by dinner and drinks with him. By the end of the night, I was toast. No running for Jerk.

Today, I have no idea why, but I got up extremely early again and ordered breakfast to my room. Wow...do these guys know how to treat a pseudo vegan to breakfast...I got a bowl of baked beans, a basket of whole wheat bread, muesli with dried fruit,  glass of soy milk, glass of orange juice, coffee and a dinner size plate heaping with freshly sliced apples, oranges, pineapple, kiwi, watermelon and grapes. It took me 4 hours to get through it! No wonder these people are huge!! And I mean that in a healthy way, not in a Texas way!!

After all the food, there was no need for lunch and we went straight to our meeting for the afternoon...which by the way went AWESOME. For some reason, Dad wanted to walk there. He looked outside, it was pouring rain and windy....and under 10 degrees. It's about a 1 KM walk. I suggest taxi, Dad suggests walk. Dad is the boss - we walk. Dad has raincoat. Kathleen soaks. Then we want to go out for dinner. Still rainy, windy and cold. Kathleen wants taxi, remembering how drenched she was before and how long it took to dry off. Dad wants to walk. Effffffffffff. I think we walked a good 6-8 KM today in the rain...some parts in heels (not Dad, me.). You'd think I wouldn't want to run after that, eh?

Well, if the Norwegians can do it, I can do it! There's no way I'm going to Norway and not contributing to this blog!! Especially after I missed France! I swear, if it wasn't for the commitment I made with this blog, now that I know other people are expecting me to do this, I wouldn't have run. I would have bought a bag of chips and diet coke and sat in my room watching reruns of Hell's Kitchen. Now I know why I did this in the first place. When you travel, it's hard to stay motivated to exercise and easy to give in to the rich food and boozing. I needed a way to commit to my program and this is proving to be effective. Going on very little sleep into the brutal Norwegian weather - there was no way I was missing this opportunity. And I'm so glad now that I did it. (But I will kick myself in the morning when I wake up at 4 am, wishing I skipped the run and the blog and went to bed at 9 )

I ran up and down one side of the port until the path ended at the University of Stavanger, which I found by accident, turned around and ran down the other side and back. I think I did about 6 to 7 KM again. I'm just guessing because that's normally how far I go in 40 minutes and I have a pretty consistent pace. I started out a little rough, thinking to myself I would only go for about 20 minutes. My legs were sore from walking on stone in heels. But it's amazing how the body adapts to most situations. When I was warmed up and found my rhythm, I felt like I could just keep going until I hit Oslo. The only reason I turned back was to make sure I got to bed at a decent hour....which I effed up anyway.

Stavanger looks a lot like the East Coast in Canada. I've posted pictures below. I was surprised really. I was expecting the town to look a lot older, like the other European cities I've been to. Unfortunately, the town was occupied by Germany during WW2 and if I remember correctly, a lot of the buildings burned. This is also due to the fact that Stavanger was a lot smaller until oil was discovered in the North Sea in 1969. The city boomed after, so much of it is relatively new. The city is now a HUGE exporter of oil for the rest of Europe. It's also known for shipbuilding (go figure, they're vikings) and fishing. Bread is definitely not a strength here - the French still have the title on that. Just saying.

Oh, and apparently, I was Norwegian before I became Scottish. Leod is Norwegian for "ugly". I always thought that was gaelic. I come from Olaf the Black, King of Mann... OK, you're bored, I'll stop. Look it up if that stuff interests you.


OK, my tired legs and I are off to sleep. I love Norway and it's familiar weather, but tomorrow I have a very early flight to Italy. I'll hopefully get to run in Bologna and in Venice. I'll post lots of pictures!!

Goodnight, Kids!

- Jerk

Scotland Trip # 1 :D

Hey,

I’m sorry to say this, but I didn’t run in France on my mega Europe trip. I had a hell of a day Wednesday getting ready, then had an overnight flight with no sleep, our travel agent forgot to tell the airline about my diet so I couldn’t eat the dinner or breakfast….then I arrived in Paris, hopped on a bus, hopped on a train, arrived in Chartres (I hope you like run on sentences), couldn’t get a cab so I hiked uphill with a month’s worth of luggage  until I finally ended up at my hotel. First thing I did? Plopped down on my bed and slept for four hours. I woke up just in time to meet my dad, Doug and our clients from France, Poland and England for dinner.

Just when you thought I was taking this somewhere whiney and negative, I’ll change it up on you. We had a lovely dinner. I have no idea what it was, but it was lovely. I had little cauliflowers and asparagus the size of mosquitoes (weird reference, I know) perfectly arranged in a shell with mini edible flowers. Amazing steak of mystery fish. Home made lemon sorbet with warm candied strawberries. Too much wine. Oh France….I love you and your miniature mystery food. 

After dinner, Dad, Doug and I decided to have some beers out on the patio and what do you know, we meet a Belgian man who works for the company we were there to see, so we stayed up drinking and chatting with him a little while longer. Yup, there was no way I was running after that.

I was up at 6 am and ready in an hour to eat breakfast (fresh home made bread, fresh fruit mmmm) and off to Luce to work for the day. We left straight from the office to drop Doug off at the airport and just made it to Beauvais in time to eat a bag of chips for dinner and catch our flight to Edinburgh (this airport didn’t have toilet seats in the women’s washroom and the toilet paper was pink, which of course darkens when wet. Floors were wet, toilet paper all over the floor – it looked like an abortion clinic gone wrong. Not pleasant. I recommend avoiding Beauvais airport if you can).  So at 8:50 PM, there I was off to Edinburgh, Scotland, not a moment to spare for a run in France. I guess I could have lied and posted pictures from my run on the Seine in April but…no that would be lame.

Moving on…My dad and I arrived in St. Andrews late Friday night. Some of you know that my brother Malcolm, his wife Naomi and their son, Calum live in St. Andrews. What most of you don’t know is they live in a castle. They are the wardens for St. Salvador’s Hall, the University residence Prince William and Kate Middleton met at. Lah dee dah. The students don’t move back for two weeks so they have the whole residence to themselves (kind of reminds me of The Shining). Google it, it’s awesome! This will be the highlight of my whole trip. I can eat fancy room service breakfast by the mountains in Phoenix, or relax on a patio of the nicest hotel in picturesque Chartres with a pint of 1664, but nothing feels as wonderful as being greeted by a few of your own in one of these places. Especially when I only see them twice a year. 

Calum was baby last time I saw him. Now, he’s a little boy. He talks to me, controls the television and CD player and makes fart noises on his dad’s belly. I taught him to do them on his arm and I expect he will have it mastered when I see him again next week. He’s two years old.

I pretty much forgot this blog was about running around the world. On Saturday morning, I ran around St. Andrews. It is a small town, so literally, I ran around it. I imagine I did about 6 KM. I hadn’t run since I was in Phoenix so I thought it would be rough, but it was really smooth actually. There is so much to take in when you’re in a place like St. Andrews, or any town on a coast.  Running alongside the North Sea gives this haunting feeling that throws you 1000 years back in time and lets your imagination run with scenes of medieval warfare, famine, celebration and romance (eff the poetics we all know I just reenacted scenes from Braveheart in my head).  I started with my iPod and was happiest when I took the headphones out. With all the senses working to the limit, I paid little attention to the cramps in my gut and just kept running. I had to see, hear, smell and imagine what was around every corner. Malcolm told me this is where Sean Connery goes running. No, this is where Jerk goes running!

The weather is a funny thing. It started out hot and sunny. Five minutes later, clouds rolled over the town and misted me. Then it was sunny again. Then a strong wind gusted in and it started pouring rain. Then it was sunny again. You get it – Oh, it's good Scottish weather, madam. The rain is falling straight down. Well, slightly to the side like.

I posted some photos below from the run in St. Andrews, as well as my panoramic video of the view from the coast.

I’m writing this blog entry from the airport in Aberdeen. It’s been really tough so far to find time for writing, let alone showering. Free WiFi connections are unheard of, too. I will hopefully get this posted when I’m in my hotel in Stavanger. I’ll just have to suck it up and pay for WiFi when I’m there.

As for stories about Calum, Malcolm and Naomi – there will be plenty more to come, as I get to spend a whole week with them when I’m done in Italy!!! I’ve never been so excited to babysit and learn to change diapers in my life. Who knew?

P.S. – Malcolm showed me Prince William's room at the hall. The bathrooms are supposed to be shared here, but William had one built into his dorm that also acts as a bomb proof panic room. He also had bulletproof windows installed and the surrounding dorms were for his bodyguards, posing as students. I asked Malcolm to take a huge dump in William’s toilet for me. 

 (Where I imagined real life scenes from Braveheart.)

 Wallace Street...home of my future husband?

 Scurrying golfers...

Day 4 in Phoenix

Oh hey, it's you again....reading my blog. Man you're creepy. It's Saturday night in Phoenix, and while all my pals back home are partying and my friends in Europe are sleeping....here I am writing my blog. With the joy of first time home ownership comes the struggle associated with saving your pennies. Also, all my bootcamp pals flew home to where they came from this afternoon. I'm not complaining actually. It's been a long time since I actually took time for myself and relaxed on a weekend.

So mountain climbing before exams is a tried tested and true method of acing them. I got 100% on my exam yesterday, which is apparently a big deal for first time attendees at this training session. So, everyone was rooting for me to win one of Tom Hopkins' paintings - but I had to ace the second exam to get it (By the way, this painting resembled one of those tacky neon soft core Pocahontas paintings you find tucked away at the back of a native gift shop/gas station on the highway north of Parry Sound. But it's not the art that mattered, it was the accomplishment it represented...or something cheesy like that). Anyway, I was damn certain I would get that painting and bring it back to the office.

So last night, what did I do? I certainly didn't climb a mountain. I could have, but being an international student, I was invited to Tom Hopkins' house for drinks and finger foods where he encouraged us to walk around and see how many of those cheap native gift shop paintings he had all over his big expensive house. Anyway, no mountain climbing and no running. But I did study hard and I memorized EVERYTHING so I thought I was on a sure path toward the sunbirdfirepocahontas picture.

This morning I woke up pleased that I beat my alarm clock. I guess I was just that excited to kill this exam? Ya, I look at my phone - it's 9:47 am. My alarm was set for 6:00 am and for 6:20 am just in case I slept through the first one. For a second I thought my phone got confused and went back to EST time zone. Then I check the room clock. F*$K! I look at my phone, my alarm was still set and was never turned off. HOW DID I SLEEP FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT THEN?!?!

I was ready in 10 minutes and out the door. I arrived at bootcamp just as everyone was grading their exams. Again, F*$K! Man, I was resiting all the answers word for word as Tom was taking them up. I would have had 100% again. Why didn't I climb that effing mountain last night?!?!? I need to find a way to pack that thing up and take it home for my Accounting exam this Fall. So....as you presume, no painting for me. I screwed up my shot. On the bright side, I didn't miss any new material in the course - just the test. And I don't have to sheepishly carry that thing on to the plane, politely telling people "My Grandma gave it to me." I guess I have to come back next year.

So, today I ran. After all, this blog is titled Jerk Runs Around the World. Just 6 KM today. I actually hadn't run in over a week because I hurt my hamstring, but today felt great. I guess I'm in my groove again. And oh yes, the scenery was lovely. The sun was shining, it was blistering hot, the mountains and cacti were out to play. There was a wind storm - but it didn't phase me at all. Neither did the heat actually. Absolutely no issues with running in Arizona on a hot August afternoon through strong winds. Probably because I was on a treadmill in the resort's fitness room. Sorry. But hey, I had a nice view!

On my walk back, I ran into the little hoodlums I always see loitering on resort property. Can anybody tell me what the deal is with these guys? I don't know who they are, but their language is wack. I posted a video below. If you or anyone you know has any information, please leave anonymous tips in the comment section. 

The sky looks awesome every night.

Peace out!

-Jerk

Day 2, Phoenix

Oh Haro! This is my first full day in Phoenix Arizona. Holy eff it is effing hot in this effing place. Pardon my effing French. Yesterday it was 46 degrees, today it was 44. Ironically, I froze my tush off all day at the training conference I'm here for. Maybe they thought if it was winter inside, it would balance out the heat storm outside?

Anyway, the conference I'm here for is great. I'm learning how to "Master the Art of Selling". I should actually refer to it by it's proper term - bootcamp. I have 22 pages of material to memorize tonight (and I mean word for word) for a test tomorrow. And yes, I have to pass. I have a mean horrible boss back home who threatened me with violence if I fail (Hi, Rick!). So, tonight is packed with studying. But  I have a pre-study ritual that I used throughout my high school and college days and that is to climb a mountain. Yup, every night before a test, I trek up a big old beast of a mountain.
That's not true.... but it's what I did tonight. I climbed a big huge brown rock underneath the blistering sun. It was amazing.

I know I'm supposed to be "running around the world" but come on! I can politely jog through rush hour traffic in suburbia or I can drive out a couple miles and climb a fricken mountain in the desert! I loaded on the SPF 30 (which I sweated off in 5 minutes and as a result look Mexican), grabbed a big jug of water (finished at my halfway point) and up the mountain I went. I have to say, it was a humbling experience. Here I think I'm in pretty decent shape but within minutes I was huffing and puffing with 65 year old men passing me on the way up. I even saw a few people RUN up this thing! Actually, one woman ran passed me coming down, then a little while later, she passed me again running back up. Wait...so she ran up, ran down and then up again?? This thing was 1.5 miles and let me tell you, when you're going up a steep rocky incline in desert heat, it feels like 10. Kudos to her!

While I was up there, I took some photos and one video to give an almost panoramic view over the city of Phoenix. As a bonus, the sun was setting so it was really beautiful. I've never posted photos or videos to a blog entry before until now, so hopefully it works and you can look at them now.

I have to say, one of the most enjoyable aspects of this experience, and also surprising, was doing it alone. Normally, I wouldn't do something like this unless I had a friend to join me. Of course it's safer to do this with a friend, and it also helps to have someone beside you, motivating you to move forward. A friend is also a witness to what you accomplished doing such a climb. But doing it by myself was great. I was able to stay completely focused on my surroundings and the mission. Nobody to complain about the heat to. Nobody to talk about my day or gossip with. Nobody asking me about work. It was really peaceful being up there by myself and taking in the whole experience in a pure form. And I'm the only witness I need for the great things I do (as well as everyone who reads this blog...crap!)

Drinking alone: bad. Adventures alone: good.  I need to go on more solo adventures. I really suggest you try it :)

And now I have to study for that dang test in the morning.... peace out homies!

-Jerk

Let's try this...

Hey Folks,

Some of you may know that I have a lot of travel coming up. Tomorrow morning, I leave for Phoenix for a week. The day after I get home from Phoenix, I'm off to France, Scotland, Norway, Italy, back to Scotland, Italy, France and possibly Germany and Slovakia. This is almost five weeks of travel! And that's just the beginning. Being in sales for a consulting company that serves global corporations, travel is part of the job.

So, some of you may also be aware that I'm serious about fitness. For the last 8 months, I've been spending about 10 hours a week in the gym. I set weight loss and fat loss goals and hit them (which by the way, can drive one crazy). Now, with all this travel, I can look forward to small European hotels without gyms and excuse my drooling, but I am really looking forward to the culinary options Europe has to offer (especially France and Italy!!).... give me a minute while I daydream about the warm loaves of French bread waiting for me every morning at breakfast...and then at lunch....and then at dinner.....and then ordered to my room for a night time snack...and then...mmmmmm

So here's the deal - I'm going to run around the world. Last time I was in Paris, my Holiday Inn had a closet sized gym from the 70's so I said "Eff this! I'll just run along the Seine!" Duh. Why was I going to choose a gym over jogging along the Seine in Paris on a beautiful sunny day in April in the first place? So, run in Paris I did. While I was out, I posted photos to Facebook and commented on my experience. Apparently, this was interesting to people. So here I am, creating a blog about my experiences running all over the world. For now, America and Europe. I'll expand later. Throughout the next few weeks though, I'll take photos with my iPhone of majestic Norwegian landscapes, ancient Italian structures and sometimes.... the European equivalents of Mississauga. Sorry, but since we work in the manufacturing industry, we don't always get to be in the hippest areas. In the meantime, I will balance out all the simple carbs and hopefully not come home twice as large. And maybe you'll enjoy the photos and stories along the way.

Stay tuned folks. Phoenix is first....44 degrees all week....If I end up having to run naked, I'll make sure to censor the photos somewhat.